So, in an effort to help with the quitting of smoking and the trying to lose weight, my sister in law and I have decided to devote the breaks that we used to take to smoke, to walking.
This is a conversation that happend while on one of our walking breaks.
SIL: I want a piece of gum.
Me: Just for funsies?
SIL: What do you mean?
Me: Well just because or is there a reason?
SIL: I don’t understand what you are asking.
Me: I just wanted to know if there was a reason for wanting gum, or if you just wanted a piece of gum.
SIL: Why would I need a reason to chew gum. That’s what it’s for, chewing.
Me: No shit. It was just random that you announced, out of nowhere, that you wanted a piece of gum. I thought maybe there was a reason for it.
SIL: Like to take my mind off of smoking?
Me: That or becuse you have dry mouth, or funky breath. I don’t know I was just asking.
SIL: Who needs a reason to chew gum?
Me: I only chew gum if there is a purpose.
SIL: What? You only chew gum for a purpose. I am just floored by this.
Me: Really? Floored?
SIL: Yes. I’ve never heard of that before.
Me: I don’t just chew it to chew it. That’s wasteful.
SIL: That’s what it’s there for, to chew.
Me: I know that. I just don’t chew gum unless there is a reason for it.
SIL: So you just go into the store and say ‘hmm, I think I’ll want gum on Wednesday, and then buy it?
Me: No, I don’t plan the days that I’m going to chew gum.
SIL: So then you just buy it to have it.
Me: Yes. If my mouth doesn’t have that fresh feeling, I’ll chew a piece of gum. If I feel like blowing bubbles, I’ll have a piece of bubble gum, but I just don’t chew it for the heck of it. It needs a purpose otherwise, I don’t chew gum.
SIL: What?
Me: Well I really only like peppermint gum, and if I chew that whitout a need for it and then decide I want fruit I’m screwed because minty fruit is gross.
SIL: That is probably the weirdest thing I’ve heard.
Me: Really? You’ve known me for ten years and that’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever heard?
Remember how I was going to try to eat better and lose weight and then I got rear ended and was in a lot of pain and then I got sick and thought I was going to die but I didn’t and then still never did anything about my weight? That was fun.
Well I’m all better now and ready to start anew. I got a wii fit plus for my birthday from ZAG’s parents and I’ve only used it like 4 times and not for very long. But it’s really fun. I love the step stuff and the hula hoop. Monkey tried the running and I discovered that if you run too fast, your mii will trip and fall on its face. We got a pretty good laugh out of that one (and then did it for the remainder of the run).
Here’s what I’m not happy with. When I made my mii (when I first got the wii) I made her to look like what I want to look like. Thin. When I entered my info into the wii fit it made my mii not thin. Really not thin. Why? What is the point of that? It’s like it wants me to never use it. It says is does, but putting that on the screen to represent me makes me want to never look at it again. I know it’s supposed to motivate me, but it just makes me want cookies. And chips. And brownies. See, it’s counterproductive, but I will muscle through (see what I did there), and try not to let it get me down. I will make that mii the way she was when I made her buy making myself that way. I was the one that wanted to be at a healthy weight and feel better about my life, right?
So why I am I complaining about it? Because, I am a complainer. Didn’t you know that already? You didn’t, oh, sorry. Well now you know that I am a complainer. I hope that doesn’t change anything. I hope we can still be friends. I’m not that big of a complainer, really. I only complain about the important stuff. That’s a lie. A total fabrication. I complain about nearly everything. I mean, I’m complaining about a game right now. Well not right now, but I was not too long ago.
Anyway, the point is: I need to get back on the horse and get my ass (and thighs, and tummy, and arms…) in shape and stop whining about how cubby my mii is.
I’m still crabby I can’t remember why I thought this no smoking thing was a good idea.
Poor little Monkey is probably wondering what the hell happened to his mommy. I know that in the mornings he is not as worried about the time as I am. He is not on a tight schedule and isn’t much affected if he is late for something, I am. So when he tells me that he can’t find his mittens, my normal response is “Try looking for them again. Make sure you lift stuff up and look really hard.”
But this morning when he told me he couldn’t find his mittens, I lost it a little (stay with me here. This happens all the time, almost every morning. Also every time he takes off his coat I tell him that the mittens go in the pockets and his hat goes in the sleeve so he doesn’t lose anything. My point is: don’t judge me).
“Go get your mittens on”
“I can’t find them”
“Well go look for them”
“I did. I can’t find them”
“You didn’t look for them because if you did then they would be on your hands”
“But I diiiiiiiiiiid. I don’t know where they are”
“I don’t care! Go find your mittens. We do this EVERY SINGLE MORNING. If you paid attention and kept track of your stuff you’d always know where your mittens were. Now go find your mittens!”
Cross between a blank stare and fear.
“GO FIND YOUR MITTNES!”
Same look.
“I swear if you don’t get your ass (I never curse at him) out of here I’m going to hurt you!!” (I have never {nor will I ever} laid a hand on my child. No swats on the butt, no smack on the hand, nothing)
Same look, but near tears.
“GO! NOW!”
At this point I was not facing the mirror but if I had been, I’m sure that I would have seen myself foaming at the mouth with steam coming out of my ears and off the top of my head.
2 minutes later he comes back with his mittens. “I found them Mommy”
“Good for you. I told you if you looked for them you would find them. Why do you have such a tough time listening? Put them on. Hurry up; we’re going to be late. Why aren’t your mittens on? Put them on now!”
“I can’t do it”
I ended up putting his mittens on for him and then lecturing him the whole way to daycare.
I’ve turned into this crazy person that I don’t even recognize. I think my son may just walk to the gas station, go to the cashier we know and say “Mommy quit smoking, but now she’s mean. Make her smoke again.” Then he’ll come home with a pack of Camels and whine until I smoke myself back to normal.
It’s entirely possible that I am going to spend a lot of time trying to buy back his love. Either that, or lots of money on his therapy.
Not because I am going to do something spectacular, but because I am probably going to run some one off the road, or cause a scene in the grocery store or kill someone.
I quit smoking yesterday and I’ve been extremely crabby the last 2 days and I want to smoke. Everything is irritating and I’ve been snapping at almost everyone.
I actually yelled at my hair today. My bangs will not cooperate. They are doing this thing where they bend in the exact wrong place and if I run the flat iron through them they stick straight out instead of flat to my forehead. Not only that but they are refusing to pose a united front. They have divided themselves into 3 parts. My left side is the weird bendy side, the middle won’t do anything and the right wants to take a time machine back to the 80’s where big bangs were all the rage.
My belly button ring feels like it is trying to rip itself out of my skin. It hurts. What the hell is wrong with it? It’s not catching on anything, and it’s not infected so why all the pain. What do you have to mad about? Nothing, so knock it off.
The people I work with are making the art of chewing glass sound like a treat. Oh holy mother, if I have to hear the same two stories over and over again I may end up kicking someone in the ovaries.
It’s freezing cold where I work. It’s below 0 out side; you should crank the heat up a little. It’s not like this is the fist time in the history of Minnesota that it is below 0. Hello it’s winter. Below 0 is just part of it. Stop being a cheap ass, turn up the heat and keep us all warm so that we can actually do the work we are supposed to instead of trying to come up with new ways to keep warm. There is just no reason that I should have to wear a blanket at my desk.
And on the subject of below 0 weather, Hey MNDot did you know that when the sun shines just a little during the day it melts the road ice and then when the sun goes down, every thing freezes again? Salt the fucking roads please. I drove into a snow bank this morning because the road was glare ice and even though I was only going 5 mph when I started to break, my car still slid right into the snow. You want to know why there are so many accidents in the winter. It’s because you don’t care for the roads enough.
My eyelashes are stupid. I don’t know why, but the tops and bottoms keep sticking together and the right eye wont stay curled.
My feet are dry and they feel gross.
The menu at the café downstairs at work left off my favorite thing this month and I almost jumped over the counter and strangled someone when I saw it wasn’t there.
This was all my sister in laws idea. We were going to quit together and keep each other motivated at work, but you know what, she’s not even here! This was not a brilliant idea. How are we going to encourage each other if we are not together?
Yep. I’m in a really bad mood. I want just one, just one to take the edge off. Smoking for me wasn’t about the nicotine or the hand to mouth thing. It was the escape. At work I could escape and go outside to smoke and get away from work. At home it was the break I’d take from whatever was bugging me whether it was homework, cleaning, ZAG or Monkey. I was able to stop and take a break and it was something that I had to do outside so there was no chance of my break being interrupted. Now I have nothing and I think that is the reason why I hate everything so much right now.
I’m not an idiot, but I have my moments. There have been many times in my life where a palm to the forehead is the only thing left to do.
One of my brother’s best friends growing up was a girl with the same name as me but, she did not want to be a girl. Like at all. As in, I didn’t even know she was a girl at first. She wore boy clothes, went to prom in a tux, had boy hair, taped her boobs down, liked girls and tried to look and sound as manly as possible. I never had a problem with this (my little brother thought it was the weirdest and most disgusting thing ever). I always thought she was awesome and she was always really nice to me. My parents thought the same and they were very accepting of who she was.
One night my parents threw my brother a big party for something I can’t remember. I think it was his 21st birthday. Whatever, the reason for the party was not important. My step mom was in the dining room with the friend who has the same name as me and my nephew (who just started talking not too long ago) I came in the room to hear my step mom ask my nephew “Can you say Ryan? Ry-an. Say Ry-an.”
To which I stopped, looked around and saw that it was just us standing there and said “What are you talking about? Who the hell is Ryan?”
My step mom just looked at me, and then looked at my brother’s friend with the same name as me and informed me that that was Ryan.
As it turns out my brother’s friend was in the process of a sex change and had legally changed from a girl with the same name as me into a man named Ryan. No body ever told me about it. The look on his face and the sheer confusion on mine made me feel like a complete jackass and I wanted to crawl away because the awkward in that room was enough to knock me down and keep me from getting back up.
You want to know what’s fun? Having a brain malfunction and forgetting that the person in front of you is a new person and saying “Hey same name as me… I mean Ryan, how are you?” And then Struggling to keep balance as you try to remove your foot from your mouth because you should just know better.
My brother is still best friends with him and they were in each others weddings and it’s not weird at all. I think my little brother is still a little freaked out by him, but I think it’s great that he finally got to be who he wanted to be.
